im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
