3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
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