how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
