You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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