my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
