Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I cut my penus on the lid.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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