I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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