the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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