So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
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