Sry I called you an 8
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
