Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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