that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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