im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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