I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
