Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
