I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
