don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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