theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You have to summon your inner elephant
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
