Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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