Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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