Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
