enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
