Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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