i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My bed smells like the plague
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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