It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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