How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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