they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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