just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
