I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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