so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
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Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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