In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
