My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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