I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
