Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
