I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Help. Why am I so naked?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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