Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
