That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Alive.
So much puke
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
