if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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