There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
