I hate all girls vehemently.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
