xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
