I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
