She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
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im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
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My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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