How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize