Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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