Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
