You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
