I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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