Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
