I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
