this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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