Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
