It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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