Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
