He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
How naked do you want me to be?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
