I accidentally had phone sex last night
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
