p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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