dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My ass is underappreciated
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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