At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
