Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
