What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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