Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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