he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
