4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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