If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
