Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
